Last Blog...

So this is the last blog I will ever have to write for my Senior English class. I'm not sure if I will continue to blog after graduation, but I have enjoyed writing them through my senior year. I think it has helped me in documenting the year, but also in my writing abilities and skills. I hope that I will either blog or keep a journal for the rest of my life because I really like having it to look back on later and see the things that went on in my life.

Just Because..

Just because Kyle and I are fighting a bunch it hasn't changed how much that I have been falling more in love with him, it's a really weird concept that I'm aggravated at him but at the same time falling more in love with him. I think that I'm pretty crazy. It's weird how my brain does things, I think the main reason for this is because we are fighting, I am seeing that we are going to be able to make it past it all. Plus, he doesn't ignore everything, just somethings I think he is.
I'm not sure, I'm just a strange person I guess.

Fighting..

So I'm getting pretty fed up with all the fighting between Kyle and me. It almost feels like we are fighting about everything. I know it's really not us fighting, just the stress of everything building up, but it's really annoying. Mostly, I'm getting aggravated that he keeps acting like he doesn't know why I keep getting mad, and keeps letting things blow ever that he normally doesn't so it's making me question why he isn't putting the effort in to keep us from fighting. I just hope that most of this stress goes away and that there isn't too much damage from all this fighting.

Art Show..

So I feel pretty cool, I got 2 pieces of art work in the school art show. I used some pictures of Kyle that I took at the park, and worked with them until they had a Andy Whorhal kind of feel. I really liked them, and am qutie proud of myself. I'm not so worried about winning, I just think it's really cool that I even got any in.

Everything...

‘Cause I would give everything that I own
I’d give you my heart and this skin and these bones
The sun the moon the earth the sky I’d never even stopped to wonder why
I would do anything
I would give everything
to be your everything

I found a new song the other day it's called Everything by Stereo Fuse, I think it's a beautiful song and the lyrics relate perfectly with my idea of true love. True love must be selfless, you should be willing to give up everything just to be with that person. I think this is the beauty of love, willing to make sacrifices for the person they love. I think this is how love is meant to be, if we follow the example of God who was willing to give up his son because he loved his people so much, we should be willing to give up everything we have to love someone. Possessions should never come between someones love for someone else. Nothing, should become between people and love.

Prom..

Prom is this coming weekend, only 5 days away. I still have yet to order flowers or make dinner reservations, I've been so consumed in so many other things to focus my time on it. I really can't wait and I want to have fun, but things have been so crazy. I really think though that prom night will end up being stressful to begin with but once the actual prom starts it will be a great stress relief, and a lot of fun. Really I just can't wait to get all dressed up and go party with my friends.

My Character...

I cant stand that people will try to down my character, act like I am some kind of monster, some kind of terrible friend. I believe I have spent a very good while trying to prove myself as a good person, a good friend, always willing to do good for others. Just recently my very own father, or should I say a man who participate in my creation, because no father would do this to their own child, started to talk badly about me, saying that I was heading down the wrong road, that I was some selfish kind of monster. Then I told my friends about this, and the majority of them helped me through such a terrible time. Then there are these others, I'm not going to mention names, because that would cause more trouble than it is worth, but these people where willing to do the same. Act that I would hurt them intentionally, spreed rumors, and trash talk them. They know that I would never do this, but still are willing to say that I would, and then act like they have done nothing wrong. I am so tired of dealing with people like this, I'm so tired of having to face these problems. So I have officially ended my friendship with them both.

John...

So I have an older half brother who I haven't seen in thirteen years, give or take a year. The reason is too long of a confusing story for me to type, but over that last two years we have began to reconnect, and now right after graduation he is driving a few hindered miles to come see me, we are planning to do something fun like go to an amusement park, or a awesome concert, and he wasn't to do some sort of road trip since we have our entire lives to catch up about, we both will have been graduated from high school, he started college, and joined the air force, so there is so much about each other w have no clue about. I can wait and I think it's going to be one of the most exciting events of my life. I can't wait to see what's going to happen and start building a relationship with my brother.

ENFJ

So i psychology class we had to take a personality test and it the results where 4 letters that represented your personality best, each letter had a different meaning. I was a ENFJ, and after reading the different personality traits of that personality, I believe that it was mostly correct. The neatest thing about it was that my boyfriends personality, and my personality where these matches, that sounded just like us. I thought it was kind of cool. It said I was an Idealist, which is very easy to see when I think about myself, that I always plan ahead, and have big dreams for myself. I thought that was cool, because I always have been that way. Pretty much, the survey was really cool, and gave great results. I thought it was also really cool that the careers that it said my personality was great for where exactly the type of career i want to go into. The funniest part was my boyfriend and I where talking about this to his parents, and his mother admitted that she had taken the same survey, and that Her and My personality results where the same. I guess guys do tend to fall for people like their mothers.

Blogging Rants..

I feel bad because all I can think to blog about is me ranting about how mad I am at people, I think I have a problem with telling people how I Feel. I wish that I could be More open with people, so that I didn't have this bottled up anger. Well really I am an open person, I am just not open about things that will upset our hurt the people i care about. I don't want to upset anyone else so they have to feel the way I feel when I am upset. I wish I knew what to do right now, because we are two months from graduation and it feels like me and my friends are falling apart. I hate having to be the mean person, and I have really given up on being the mean person, but I think its time that I start to be mean again, I'm not gonna watch people hurt me or hurt my friends anymore.

Relationships..

I hate that I have these two friends who have been off and on dating for that last couple of months, and it feels like the always are fighting, if they don't have a reason to fight, they make up some imaginary problem they need to fight about. The real problem is that his ex girlfriend is like a stalker and tries to mess everything up, no matter how many times everyone tells her that she's acting immature and acting that way is not going to change anything. I couldn't image what my friends are going through having to deal with his ex girlfriend all the time, but it's getting out of hand, and causing my friend to get suicidal, because of her. It's hard when I don't know what to do or say, and I just want things to be okay for my Friends, but I'm speechless because the things seem so absurd to me. I really just want to help, and my Friend is pretty much begging for me to help, but I have no clue what to do or say, or half the time even think. I sure hope I can figure out what to do soon.

We are NOT Floor Mats, STOP Walking all Over Us...

So because of everything our friend has done to us recently, I have decided I am sick and tired of being his floor mat, and I refuse to do anymore favors for him. I have always been willing to do anything for my friends, and I try to make that very clear to them all. But this specific friend has taken it too far, and is not only walking all over me, but is walking all over everyone who cares about him, besides his girlfriend. I think I am going to talk to the rest of our friends, and put a stop to all of this, by making sure everyone refuses to do favors for him for a while, and see if he realizes that everyone is sick of his behavior. I'm even going to talk to his parents and let them know that he is not only disrespecting his peers, but also disrespecting his elders.

Favors...

When someone ask you to do a favor for them, they should respect you for doing that favor, and be upset when things did not go according to their plan. Yesterday, a friend of my boyfriend's and mine, asked us to drive some 40 something minutes to, and 40 something minutes back to pick up his girlfriend so that he could see her that day. Kyle and I always try to put our friends first, and normally are willing to do anything for our friends. So of course, we were willing to do it. The first disrespectful thing our friend did, was get mad that we wouldn't take him with us to pick her up, when our vehicle only has 3 seats, and he knew it would be illegal. I hate to be the one that upset him, but it was just not possible for 4 people to ride in a 3 seat truck for an hour and a half. So we could not take him. Then, as we pulled into my drive way to pick up things before we headed to church, he was waiting in my driveway, even though I specifically told him don't worry about anything, we will bring her to church. He did this knowing it would upset us, so not only did we just spend an hour and a half doing something for him, he did not respect us enough to go along with our decisions of the deal. I normally try to let things go like this, but he is starting to do this to all of his friends, and have no respect for us or our parents, or his only family. I hate to say it but I believe more and more every day that his girlfriend is a bad influence on him.
Later last night we all went to McDonald's to hang out, along with a group of our friends, there where two mothers, which we all ranted about the things, our friend was doing that we all though was getting out of hand. One of the mother's confided in us that she was still mad at him and that she would be until he apologized. His brother told him when our friend got there that he should apologize for a few things he did to upset her. He was very disrespectful to her, and still didn't say sorry. So after that he decided to tell his brother, that he did not care if we all hated him he was still going to do what he wanted. First off, no one hates him, we are just upset with his recent behavior, but I can't believe after everything everyone has been doing for him, that he is willing to be so disrespectful to us all.

Alone for the weekend...

My parents are going to Phoenix to visit my sister and my newborn nephew. I get to spend the weekend by myself, since my sister Sara is going to a babysitter. I'm kind of excited but at the same time a little scared of spending the nights alone. We will just see how it turns out. I do believe that it will be good for me since in just a few short months I will be moving out, well actually my parents will be moving out and I will still be at the house. I think the worse part about it all is that my parents will be gone on Easter which is slightly depressing , but my mom gave me money to buy my sister an Easter basket. Though Sara can't have candy because of her braces, but I'm gonna get her some bubbles and chalk, maybe a littlest petshop toy she likes, and because I would hate not getting candy, I'm gonna give her a little but of candy that wont be to bad on her braces.

Xavier Joseph..

My sister Danielle gave birth to a little boy on March 24th. He is the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen in my entire life. She named him Xavier Joseph, he was 8lb 1oz and 20.5 inches long. I can't wait til I get the chance to meet him and hold his cute little body. It will be a while since they live all the way in Phoenix, Arizona. I'm already so in love with my nephew it's insane, he is perfect.

A midsummer Night's Dream...

After being asked to write a reflection once my senior English class finished Shakespeare's play, A Midsummer Night's Dream I decided that I actually liked reading this play. We got to vote on if we would rather read A Midsummer Night's Dream or Macbeth, I'm glad we read A Midsummer Night's Dream because it was a comedy not a tragedy. I really like the poetic language in A Midsummer Night's Dream and how it represented and reveled love. I really liked the way that in the end, everyone was happy even after they faced so many difficulties to get to that happiness. Shakespeare is a genius with the way he uses symbols, especially the love potion, when he expresses the crazy things people do as a love potion.

Waiting...

I'm not sure if this is my earliest memory, I'm not sure how old I was exactly at this moment but this is a memory. I was very young between 2 and 4, sitting on the brown carpet mashing colorful blocks together building something, though I'm not sure what. The screen door was open, and a faint breeze was blowing in. I remember everyone was sad, and had been for a while, I remember it was my first feelings of being lonely, though I wasn't sure why I felt that way. I heard a car pull into the drive way and jumped up, scattering my blocks around where I was sitting. I climbed up the teal colored couch, stabbing my little fingers into the fabric and pulling myself up the back of the couch toward the window seal. I grabbed the curtains and pushed them away from the window, pushed my face against the cool glass, and screamed "Uncle Danny". My mom came running from the kitchen, stumbling past the blocks. At this point I realized it was not my Uncle Danny pulling in our drive way, and it hadn't been the last few times someone came to visit. My mother scooped my little body up into her arms and held me close. I felt her warm tears against my face, which caused me to start crying.
At that point I didn't understand death, and didn't realize my Uncle was not coming over to visit anymore, not that day, and not ever. My mom brings this up when she gets upset about missing family that has passed away, because she thinks it's a good example of how we all feel inside. Still waiting for someone to pull in the driveway and get out of that car, and just not be dead anymore. Sometimes, we just keep on waiting, and that someone just never shows up.

Camille..

Camille is a beautiful girl, she's artistic, and funny, and out of the ordinary. She seems so comfortable in her skin, even though because she's my best friend, but I know shes not. It's okay that she's not she doesn't have to be, I still think she's great.

I've always had this issue with girls, never wanted a girl best friend, but the day I met her, that changed everything. It's really amazing how we don't have to say a word but can just be in the silence and that is okay, things are okay just like that. I like being able to sit with her completely quite and know exactly what she's feeling. I know if she needs to talk if she wants to just be let alone. Sometimes I have to cover for her and pretend she's okay when I know she isn't, and she doest have to tell me this, I just know.

Timmy..

My best guy friend in the world, he's probably the goofiest guy I have ever met but he is awesome. I like how in our relationship we can just talk about anything, what ever we want to talk about and it's alright, because we will never judge one another. We are always open with one another and okay to talk about anything.
The best thing about this relationship we have, is that his girlfriend is my best friend, and he is my boyfriends best friend, so we have this extreme comfort with one another. So it's not just me and him that have this comfort with one another is this group of the four of us.

Kyle..

Kyle is my boyfriend, and pretty much my number one best friend. I know he is always there for me when I need a shoulder to lean on, and will always answer my 2 am calls when I wake up from a nightmare. It's pretty great knowing I have him around, and I'm not gonna sit here and say, "and we will be together forever and ever", because sure I would like for it to turn out that way, but I'm not so stupid to believe that things can never change, or something can't go wrong. But as of Today I can say, I love having him around, I love having him with me. He helps to keep me calm. He helps to make me stop stressing out, and to just calm and see the beauty of the day.
I can't believe how lucky I really am to have him in my life, even if it's just for a while, I'm going to enjoy every moment it. I love him, I really do. Things with him seem perfect, even though every once in a while we get into little spats over stupid things. I just know having him here with me means things will be alright.

Fondant...

So I have been planning on moving out after graduation with my boyfriend and our best friend. I'm excited about being able to have the freedom I want to do things I want to do. The first thing I have decided is to kick it up a gear on my baking side and learn how to work with Fondant. I think this will be lots of fun, and I know I will have my friends over a lot to eat all the cupcakes I'll make and practice all the things I learn, they will be like my little taste testers. Plus the main thing I want to do with them once I get the hang of working with the fondant is to take them to people, like the ladies at the nursing home I volunteer at, or the families I go to Church with. I just want to be able to give them to people to see the little smiles they put on someones face. I like that feeling of knowing I helped to make someone have a good day.

Untold Love Story (Song) (Version 2)

Writing my dreams
of a thousand wishes
for an untold love story
that will never come true

I can still taste your beauty
on the tip of my tongue
from our secret love sessions
the sound of your voice
playing vividly
in the back of my head
Still wishing I didnt have to let you go
and find your way back to his bed

Im left here waiting
for you to return
whipping the sparkle of love
from my eyes once more
to face yet another day
and your still not mine
Trying to remember only makes it worse
In those eyes
I saw only hate and anger

I tried to make it through alone
Thought I could get back up after goodbye
All the remembering is making it worse
this won’t end until someone else gets hurt

Untold Love Story (Song) (Version 1)

Writing my dreams
Of a thousand wishes
An untold love story
That will never come true

I can still taste your beauty
On the tip of my tongue
Remembering back to when we had love
The sound of your voice
Still playing vividly in the back of my head
Still wishing I didn’t find you
On your back in his bed
I will always remember
Those last lies you said

all this pain has added up
Trying to remember only makes it worse
in those eyes
I saw only hate and anger
For all the mistakes we made
Still just to get you back
I'm doing what ever it takes
all the pain has added up
Trying to remember only makes it worse
In those eyes
I saw only hate and anger

I tried to make it through alone
Thought I could get back up after goodbye
All the remembering is making it worse
this won’t end until someone else gets hurt

Say Our Goodbyes (Song)

We’ve walked through Heaven and Hell
Just to say our goodbyes
GOODBYE

I’m Laying here Sick and Alone,
On the Floor,
Cold wind blowing through the open door,
So you're really gone?" I whisper to myself,
YOUR REALLY GONE THIS TIME
Picking up the Shattered picture frame just to put it back on the shelf

Oh, I never thought that we'd end up like this
(end up like this)
Like some romance novel with a sickly twist
SICKLY TWIST
How could I have not seen this coming towards me
There where so many signs I shouldn’t have missed
I SHOULDN’T HAVE MISSED I SHOULDN’T HAVE MISSED THIS
I shouldn’t have missed
YOU’RE GONE! YOU’RE GONE!
Say goodbye goodbye tonight

Oh, I never thought that we'd end up like this
Like some romance novel with a sickly twist
SICKLY
How could I have not seen this coming towards me
There were so many signs I shouldn’t have missed
I SHOULDN’T HAVE MISSED I SHOULDN’T HAVE MISSED THIS
I shouldn’t have missed

Why am I here without you
FORVER WITH OUT YOU
Learning to face all these days alone
SO ALONE
Guess I could have tried a little harder
Then maybe I could’ve kept you coming home
I dry this last tear from my eye
THE LAST TEAR FALLS TONIGHT
Knowing the time has finally come
To say our goodbyes

Catastrophic Dreamland (song)

We’re entering a catastrophic dreamland
We’ve seemed to have
Misplaced the game plan
And we’re not quite sure
If love and pain go hand in hand

So gather you strength
Wear it through the day
Come on baby, let’s get out and play

The path is getting smaller
Our hearts are beating faster
The day is almost over
Somehow someway I’m blocking out
The voices on my shoulder

I’m always here for you
There’s no need to panic
Let me settle your fears
Give me your hand
Don’t worry my dear

So gather you strength
Wear it through the day
Come on baby, lets get out and play

So gather you strength
Wear it through the day
Come on baby, lets get out and play

Corn..

" Then we'll take a long walk through the corn field

And I'll kiss you between the ears
If you're my girl, swirl me around your room with feeling
And as we twirl, the glow in the dark stars on your ceiling
Will shine for us, as love sweeps over the room
'Cause we tend to make each other blush, you make me blush "

So I started out today in a quest to find something I saw peaceful as peaceful searching for something to be my little piece of calm on my most stressful days. I was thinking of Corn Fields, I know they don't seem all too beautiful, or spectacular, but to me they have this calming effect. I think the beauty I find in corn fields is because I can relate them to the summer. In the summer I can ignore all of the people I have to deal with during the school year, I can get int the passenger seat of my boyfriends truck, and drive with warm wind blowing against my skin. I just can't wait for the summer since the stress of the school year is starting to build up and I'm so ready to explode into the summer.

Dad's...

I guess some people would say I am pretty fortunate to have to Dads, sometimes I think its more of a curse than some sort of luck.
Dad #1: My biological father, the one who gave me life, who helped raise me, or at least tried to help raise me until I was about 10 years old, than would be part of my life off and on for the following 8 years of my life. He is mostly inconsiderate, knows how to manipulate people into believing that he is this wonderful guy, when in all reality he's not.
Dad #2: My moms boyfriend, not even my step-father, just this guy, the best father figure I have ever known. The one who helps my mom raise us, help pay the bills to keep us alive and happy. The guy who is willing to put himself on the line for me, the one who wants to teach me, and will do anything just to know I'm alright. My hero.

So for the last 8 years I have had these two dads, well, more or less one dad, one guy I got the occasional phone call from, and for 3 years, the occasional letter from prison. Two guys some 800 miles or so apart, both of them I love dearly. Anyways my point is, I think about things all the time, and I start to wonder, who is going to be my "dad" during this event or that event in my life. How am I going to explain to people I meet that I have these two dads, because my mom and her boyfriend aren't even married. I just worry about hurting my real dad's feeling when it comes to my wedding when I ask some guy who is not even blood related to me, or even by marriage to walk me down the isle, to have that father daughter dance with me. How do I explain this to the guy who gave me life.

Sick..

I hate how my parents have that ability to make me sick to my stomach, make me feel guilty for nothing. They act like I've dont something terriable, and simply say "we are going to have a family talk" which is also known as we are going to drink a little too much then tell you all of your faults in life, and make you feel like a complete failure. So last night I got home from church and all my dad said was "dont rush off tomorrow after school, were going to have a family talk" and since then I have been unable to eat, I've bitten off all of my fingernails. My stomach is twisted in knots, and I feel like I really need to puke. The worst part is I normally can think of at least one thing they are upset about, like I forgot to shut a door, or I didn't wash dishes, or I have been gone all weekend. This time I can't come up with anything, I don't know any reason they have a problem, no reason that something is wrong. So not only am I sitting here sick to my stomach, I'm sitting here nervious and losing my mind because I can't even prepare myself this time.

Warm Feelings & Sidewalk Chalk...

I love sidewalk chalk is like a pure rush of enjoyment to draw something in a parking lot, snap a picture, and just leave. I've always thought this would be a awesome thing to do, write something inspirational in chalk then leave, hoping I have inspired someone to smile. I did this in my church parking lot yesterday, and as I heard people chattering about it as they walked in a warm feeling came over me. Then as I was leaving I watched a woman who is the mother of one of the girls I go to church with, walk out to her car, look at the words I had written on the ground and a huge smile filled her face, and it looked like she too had that warm feeling come over her. I felt good knowing I could pass that feeling on to others.

If I could do anything today...

To Do List:
1) Blow bubbles out the car window as I ride down a country road.
2) Lay in the grass and watch the clouds
3) Write my future in side walk chalk; then wait for the rain.
4) Dance in the rain to the music in my head.
5) Watch the sunset.
6) Catch lighting bugs in a mason jar.
7) Fall asleep to the sound of the crickets.

Day and Night...

It really seems that I am always stressed, no matter what the occasion is, like it's impossible for my body and mind not to stress over something. If I have nothing to currently stress about I will uncontrollably go back to a point in my mind where I was stressing, and stress about that. I'm the kind of person who will take just about anything personal, and it is really starting to become a problem. I can barely function with out stressing out. I really wish that I could

just find something that would help me to simply clam down, but it really seems nearly impossible to do so. I just want to find that one thing that will just ease my mind, take me to a place where the stress of my day doesn't exist. I surely hope that I do find that thing soon. I use to believe that is was Art, but recently I have not been able to get a creative thought to produce any art to help myself. So maybe I should just be wishing for some creative ideas, that might help. Who Knows.

Can I Just Sit Back?

One of my closes friends has decided recently to try and make a point with his parents, his first and most stupid move was to not come home one night. His mother was terribly upset as well as Kyle and I were. We did everything we knew to help his parents find him, and they did the next day. I feel really terrible for giving the information i know to his parents but I see no other choice. I don't want to be the kind of friend who will just sit back and watch their friends fail. I want to help him before does anything else stupid. Last night he called me and asked me if he could come over to "Taco Monday" I immediately told him he was uninvited, and that I was sorry to be so rude and mean, but I didn't think he deserved to be rewarded for his recent decisions. A few minutes later his mother called me, I was kind of nervous about how the conversation would go and before she got that chance to say anything I began to apologize for being so mean and how I though he shouldn't be rewarded. She finally cut me off and said that she agreed with me and that my choice was a good one. I felt relieved as she continued to thank me and Kyle for being such good friends to her son, and that she really hopes that we continue to be Friends and that we can help to knock some sense into him. At least I feel slightly relieved that his mother and father agree with me, and don't want me to just sit back and watch my friend fail us, and most importantly fail himself.

A Week in The Life of...

So recently i was reading my boyfriends blog and he has been doing "A Day in The Life of..." blogs about how everything in his life has been going and the things he has been doing recently and thinking about. I thought this was a great idea and decided I wanted to do one. With the modification of a week.

So, A Week in The Life of.... Me!
How I spend a week in my life lately has been pretty boring.
Sunday: Every Sunday I spend the majority of the day at church. I'm only home between 12:30 and 4:30, then I go home about 9 to get ready for a week of school.
Monday: Monday's are always my favorite, because after school I go to my boyfriends house for TACO MONDAY!, even though there have been a lot less Taco's lately. Glenn has demanded a shortage in taco's, but every Monday we watch LOST on DVD and eat dinner together. It has really helped me to bond with Kyle's family.
Tuesday: Most Tuesday's I stay home with my family. We hang out in our garage and sing karaoke, dance, and play pool. Pretty fun.
Wednesday: Wednesday is church again, and we go do community service.
Thursday: Is a "Who Knows what will happen" Day. Sometimes I stay home with my parents, and some days my boyfriend hangs out until bed time.
Friday - Saturday: I might go to the skating rink with my boyfriend while he works, at some point Taco Bell will be invovled, and noramally one day I spend some time with my friends.

Cooler then the flip side of my pillow that´s right...

...And the moments where my good times start to fade
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile
Even when you´re gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that ...

Smile - Uncle Kracker

I was listing to this song during study hall the other day, and I couldn't help but think of a few people in my life who always seem to make me smile, no matter how sour my day turns. The good moods that they can put me in are incredible, I really can't express how thankful I am that I have that handful of people in my life. Knowing I have that group of people who can bring a smile to my face in the worst of days, always makes me feel secure in life, like no matter what goes wrong, they will be there to make things better. Lately, I feel like they have been abandoning me though, and depending on me more than ever and leaving me to fend for my self. Though, when I really think about it, I can see that they are not abandoning me, they are helping me practice for the next few years when we will all be off our own separate ways building our own life's and traveling fast in our futures. I just hope to know that my boyfriend will always be there because this song always makes me really think deeply about our relationship and just completing the milestone of being together for a year and a half has really been on my mind lately. He is truly that person who is the one that makes me "smile like the sun"!

Changes...

It really sucks when you find out that your best friend starts dating a girl and his entire world changes. He gives up on his responsibilities, his family, and now he's giving up his friends. The saddest part about the whole thing is they have been dating for a month. How can things change that fast? What can I even do to help my friend see that he is letting his whole life go for a girl? Don't get me wrong, I love the girl he chose, but I do not love the way that she has influenced him to me a totally different person. Really I believe they both have changed. I just want my two best friends back to normal, I really want to know what is going on. Hopefully I find out soon and can help them from losing everything they know as them and changing into totally different people.

Skates-Alive

I really hate going to work with my boyfriends since I sit around bored the entire time, at least I can accomplish some homework with out my parents interrupting me for any reason. The only reason I come is a) to get out of the house and b) because it makes my boyfriend happy. I always end up regretting my decision to come with a headache and a majorly increased stress level. Though as much as I regret it the next time he ask me to go with him, I always seem to go, and sometimes after I have decided not to go with him that weekend my parents will ask me to take my sister, and then I fall into the trap again and I am not only stuck at this middle school playground but I am stuck here, bored, with my little sister.

Total Disrespect...

Today while going to the gas station with on of my best friends, I witnessed one of the most disrespectful event of my life. We walked in to prepay for our gas that we wanted and buy some chocolate covered raisins, and walked in on a girl screaming at the top of her lungs at the cashier about accusing her of stealing gas. For at least five minutes she yelled very racist things at the store clerk who was obviously foreign. I found this offencive beyond belief, since after the girl walked out of the store the clerk told us that he had only asked her over the speakers if she would like to purchase some gas. I can't believe how rude this girl was being to the clerk, if she didn't like the service she could have gone to another location to purchase her gas, or whatever it is that she wanted. After she had left my friend and I apologised for the girls behavior and told him that he didn't deserve to be treated that way. I really hope that the youth gets a reality check and learns some manners.

One and a Half...

I cant believe that we have actually been together for a year and a half, it honestly doesn't feel like it, well it's really weird because when you say it like that it sounds like a long time but when I sit and think about all the things that have happened and how much we both have changed since we started dating and it feels like we just have always been together. So Sunday it's been a whole year and a half. I'm sure as sure as I'm sure that it has been the best year and half of my entire life (so far). And really I cant wait to see what is to come for us, and what is to come in both of our lives to see where we go and all the things to come.

To another year and a half plus some :D

Why is love always difficult? (No True Love)

Another belief about why love is difficult is that people do not ever find true love, true love is just a myth and that people cannot experience it their for they face these difficult times to prove that that it is not true love. The trials and tribulations of a relationship could be seen as foreshadowing to the out come of the relationship, almost like indicators that true love can never really exist. When I think of the difficulties of a relationship it is easy to see how it could be said that their is no such thing is true love due to the fact that people face so many troubles in a relationship. Many relationships will not conclude in true love, most relationships that is, if true love even exist, do not conclude in true love. So is true love plausible or is it just something someone made up to give others a thing to look forward to, something to make all the difficulties of relationships seem worth all it.

Why is love always difficult? (Challenges Make us Stronger)

I believe that the reason love is so difficult is that people need to face challenges in their relationships to grow stronger. Without these difficulties and challenges they will never learn how to deal with situations together, and these trials and tribulations help them learn more about one another. I believe that you can not truly know someone until you have seen them at their worse, things can not always be good or you will never really know that person. Another reason that you have to face difficulties in a relationship is that when they are all over, you have that chance to improve your relationship so that what ever the challenge was wont happen again. I honestly believe that this is the mortar in the bricks of a relationship, the things that keep it all together, the difficulties make us stronger. Love is difficult because you can only truly learn to love someone if you have seen them at every side. Facing challenges is the key to finding the true love in someones heart.

My Red Treasure Chest

I have been searching for a treasure chest, or hope chest for a long time. During one of the snow days my boyfriend and I walked through a thrift store and there in the back was a red, beaten up, half way broken treasure chest. Which was more than likely the most exciting moment of my day. I have always wanted one and even though this one looked like it had been through hell, I thought it gave it character, I loved it. So I bought it for $5 and filled it will all my journals, lyrics, poems and other papers I have collected. I love my treasure chest, now I have to wait til I am older to buy a good wooden on to fill with the precious moments of my adult life. The reason I think I loved this one so much because, like me it has been beaten, tossed around, and all the bruises and dents make it perfect.

Snowed in at the Thorntons...

What a fun day we got snowed in after the concert and I "had" to spend the day at the Thornton's with kyle, Timmy and Camille. After the concert we all planned on spending the night at Kyles house (except for Logan he had to work in the morning). We stayed up late watching movies and roasting marshmallows in the fireplace. We had S'mores and finally went to bed at like 2 or 3 am. Then we woke up and spent the next day together hanging out and pretty much just having fun. We watched some more TV and movies then we all went home around 5pm. That was a fun time. Kyle's parents where a lot of fun and I'm glad we all got to hang out.

Concert

Went to my first real rock concert to see Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, and Flyleaf with my best friends Kyle, Timmy, Camille and Logan. We had a great time and Cam and I both lost our voices. The ride there and back was interesting since there was like 6 inches of snow on the ground on the way home that wasn't there on our venture there, oh and we had to fit all 5 of us in the back of Kyle's Dads truck. When we say we are a close bunch of friends, I'm not sure that's what we really meant. It was great fun. I love my friends, I'm glad I got to spend that first with them and glad it was such a great time and a memory I will be able to look back on, not just any memory but the memories of what made us so close, the memories of senior year, the last little bit we have before we all grow up.

Avatar

I went to see Avatar with Kyle and his parents recently at the IMax in Evansville. It was fun, the movie was pretty awesome. The 3D was extraordinary. I really like hanging out with Kyle and his Parents and I'm glad I am so accepted by them, and it's always fun being around them, even if his dad picks on me all the time. I kinda like that his dad picks on me, instead of being really mean or ignoring my existence. It's kinda nice. I love Kyle and his parents.

4 days to go...

In four days I will be going to my frist "real" Rock concert with Kyle, Timmy & Camille, Logan too but he got his tickets at a differnt time so he won't be sitting with us. I'm so excited. Little things, well actually these are big things but they seem little are what make me feel like I am growing up. As far as plans go we are going to the Concert in Evansville and then that night we are camping out in Kyle's back yard which is the coolest part, not only do we get to hang out that night but we get to spend the entire night together it's going to be so much fun. I can't wait. Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace & Flyleaf here we come!

Where are the Wild Things?

Over the last year or so I have made a great change in my friends and those people I allow to be in my life. For such a long time I kept the same people around no matter how much they annoyed me or how much I really couldn't stand them, but at the end of last year I started eliminating such people. Then I started making a stronger connection with my friends that I did keep and have been having a much better time with them and with out those people who brought me down. Recently my senior English teacher read to us "Where the Wild Things Are" in class and I'm not sure how but it did make me think about these friends who I've developed such strong relationships with. Kyle, Timmy, Logan and more recently Camille have became the most important people in my life, aside from my family of course. They have really brought out my said "wild" side. When they are around it seems to always be fun, never a sad moment, no of us have ever fought, its just an all around good time. I guess I related this to the book because in the book Max had such a good time being with the Wild Things. I guess I feel like Max, and they are my Wild Things, but I really rather not come back from sailing "in and out of weeks ... and through a year to where the wild things are".

That one person you really can't stand, but put up with anyway...

So I have this friend, and I say friend lightly because she has worked her way out of being my friend. She's one of those people who is always around and you just can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard you try. Anyways, this friend just got their license, and now it seem nearly impossible to get rid of her. We all can put up with her for a short while but now that she can follow us everywhere has made things very stressful. We all try very hard not to be rude, or mean to her, but when we try to get away and she shows up at the place we are going, you can hear everyone pulling into the parking lot sigh in unison. I don't know what to do, because for the next few months she will keep finding away to be around, thankfully she is a grade below the rest of us and we can all escape next year. I believe the real problem is that we have all started to mature alot faster than her, and she is still acting like a freshman. The entire situation is stressing me out beyond belief and I don't know what to do because I don't want to be a mean person. I guess until I figure it out I will be desperately waiting it out.

and it was a Beautiful day...

Monday night I spent a few hours with my three favorite people, Kyle, Timmy, & Camille. We had a great time taking pictures while at the mall and Wal-Mart. I don't think I have had that much fun in a long time. But that's not really the point of me writing this, what is, is the fact that for once I felt somewhat complete, happy on the inside and outside. These are the people I want to continue on with for the next 4 year of college and hope to still be around after graduation. These are my people and this is where I fit in:


So I only posted a few pictutes from our awesome adventure filled night, I can't believe how much fun we had and can't wait to do it again. I finally feel like I'm growing up and finding where I belong. I think I might have just found where I fit into a puzzle.

When?

When is someone going to explain how to understand this college mess, or are they not and we just have to learn my trial and error. The closer it get to graduation the more scared I get. I have no clue what I'm getting myself into. I'm not sure any of us do. My parents have no clue whats going on so they cant assist me in figuring it all out. So what am I supposed do. I need to know what papers to fill out, where to go, what to sign up for. College is scary, and boy do I hope I'm ready.

Listography.com

When I first heard about listography I was at Books-A-Million trying to come up with ideas of what to ask for Christmas. I've never been good at knowing what I want so I thought if I just walked through a few stores I liked it would make the task easier. I was walking in between the shelves and down toward where the journals are because, my current journal is getting pretty full so I thought that I might look for a new one. I looked down at one that seemed to be nothing more than a yellow composition book at first, but as I picked it up I realized that it was not only a yellow composition book but each page had room for you to create a list with its own little categories. I thought this was a brilliant idea as I thumbed through the pages: list of my roommate, list of my worst habits, list of my pet peeves. I really wanted this but I never got it for Christmas, it has made its way to the top of all my wish list though. Because what is a better way to start college than as a blank book, full of list that I get to fill out over the Next four year and the rest of my life. I hope I get it soon or it might just be one of those miscellaneous items on my college supply list.

dealines, deadlines, deadlines...

College applications and scholarship deadlines are just around the corner and I feel like they just caught me off guard, I'm completely unprepared and not ready to turn in anything. Thankfully I've gotten my college applications sent off and got accepted to two places, which Only one matters and I could careless if the others reply, I got in where I wanted to go. University of Kentucky. Though I thought I would have more time with these Scholarship things, I'm so nervous that I had something I wanted so much in my hands and now I'm not going to be able to afford it. I surely hope that I can put my mind together long enough to get these scholarship applications in on time. I only have til Friday.

Owl City...

For Christmas my boyfriend bought me an Owl City CD, I really don't like CD'S because normally I like 1 or 2 songs on the album and the rest are just wasted space on my computer, and the CD just sits on a shelf that never gets used again. Though I really like this CD, the guy who does the music for Owl City has to be a lyrical genius, all of his lyrics have this amazing catchyness to them and seem to go beyond the norm. I really have enjoyed listening to the CD and can't wait until he makes a second CD.

Blogging...

I really thought I would like blogging and for a while I did but now it seems like a tedious task we have to complete, I doubt my teacher even reads half of the students blogs. I'm pretty sure she reads those of the students she has a friendship like relationship with and just checks the others for the required number of blogs. I don't really have a problem with it, I just think its rather unnecessary for us to complete these blogs that she might or might not read, and post them to the Internet where everyone can read them, when half the students in my class are on myspace or facebook, instead of even doing the blogs. What happened to journals?

Snow Days and Scholarships...

I still haven't decided if I appreciated the snow days we got last week or not. Positives, we got to miss school and Negatives, we missed school so we have to make it up which means longer until we graduate. Positive, we have longer until gradation. This is a very confusing time. So I spent my two snow days planning for the summer and also filling out some scholarship paper work. At the bottom of one of the scholarships there is a part where you have to upload a 2 page double spaced essay about our plans for our future and our education plans. I thought I had it all figured out until I was asked to write it down on paper and submit it for consideration on a scholarship. I'm a little nervous.

New Years...

Well the new year is here, last year wasn't so bad but I am really ready to get this year started. I'm 18, graduation is just around the corner, and finally I feel like I know where life is going for me. I really can't wait to see all the thing 2010 bring for me.