The last day...

... of regular classes for our first semester has about 30 or so minutes left, meaning half of our senior year is just gone. Heck I feel like we just started this and now in the next week we finish the first half of the year, finish the whole year of 2009, and we've gotta order our caps and gowns which means graduation is only 6 months away! Scared - Yes! I am so not ready for this, lets see how Christmas break treats me next week while I'm visiting family in Michigan and then we're off to finish our senior year.

www.kentuckydachshundrescue.com

How exciting. I was at church yesterday and after we had got back form our SOME-thing missions, my friend Nathan came running up to me with a white T-shirt waving it in the air. He had found a shirt at the place he was doing his mission for the KENTUCKY DACHSHUND RESCUE. He knows I love Dachshunds so he asked if he could bring it to me. I really think this would be something I would be intresting in volenteering with, too bad its all the way in Georgetown. I'm so excited now and I can't wait to look into their program and help save wiener dogs. :D

Cap and Gown

So yesterday seniors went to a meeting to pick up and talk about order forms for caps and gowns, and other senior items we might want. It really makes me feel like graduation is right around the corner, and it's a whole 6 months away. I can't wait to see all the things that happen from next Thursday when I put in my order for Cap and Gown until 6 months down the road when I actually put on the cap and gown for graduation. Wow! All the possibilities. I hope to make a lot of good fun memories to write down in the memory book I order.

Giraffes...

So my best friend likes this girl and he wants to get her something she will really like for Christmas. I've met her and been trying to get to know her so that I can a) Know her and b) figure out what to tell him to get her for Christmas. I've learned a few things about her when I've spent time with her and on Black Friday when He and I, and my boyfriend and his little brother where out shopping I told him to get her a stuffed animal giraffe. He thought about it and then decided he didn't like the idea. About a week later we where at a Christmas party and he comes up to me sort of bashfully and say, "you where right". What had happened is he and her where at a friends house who happened to have a few stuffed animal giraffes which she screamed ran and picked up and refused to put down while he was there. He now has decided to get her a stuffed giraffe for Christmas. Who would have thought it, a girl knowing what a girl wants? lol. We are going to pick her out a cute one soon.

Prompt Writing: Carpe Diem

Prompt: Describe your day if you lived each day to the fullest...

I'm not so sure on how my day would go but I am sure that if I lived each day to the fullest that I wouldn't only accomplish more but I would become a more accomplished and an all around better person because of it. I know that I would go out and try to do more community service since I enjoy it and like the warm feeling I get inside from doing when I go out with my friends and do it every Wednesday night. I also would try to write down more about what I was doing while living my life to the fullest because I know I would have a lot to share and great stories that would be able to inspire others. I love the idea of living life to its fullest but I feel that my parents have put a block on how easy living life to the fullest is for me. I hate being 18 and feeling all the freedom in the world at my finger tips and as soon as I go to reach for it, it's like I get shocked and pulled back. I know this is a feeling that everyone goes through, but this isn't me. I want my freedom to live my life. I can't wait to get it, even though I know 10 years down the road I will be writing a blog about some regrets, or troubles from making my own decisions and how I wish I could go back. I just want to be able to feel those feelings without some one trying to stop me. It's not like I want to go out and drink alcohol and do drugs, or have a crazy rebellious life. I just want to be able to go to the library without going through 3rd degree with my parents.

Christmas List...

So my dad has been bugging me for a Christmas List and I always have trouble figuring out what I want but here I go.

Christmas List for My Dad in Michigan:
1.) Thick Red, White, and Yellow Headbands.
2.) Eyeliner, Liquid Eyeliner, and Mascara
3.) --- Something!

Christmas List for My parents in Kentucky:
1.) New Cell Phone
(I wouldn't normally ask for something like this, but they kinda brought up that I would probably be getting a cell phone for Christmas)
2.) Last 4 Gossip Girl Books
- Would I Lie to You?
- Don't You Forget About Me
- Gossip Girl: It Had To Be You
-I Will Always Love You
3.) Earrings

Christmas List for Kyle :
1.) Wiener Dog, of the Stufty Variety
2.) List Book
3.) A stocking (with Ring Pops, Pocky, Stickers, Jones Soda, little Piggy of some sort)

Stress..

So lately I've been realizing that I have a extremely high amount of stress in my life, and just knowing that is stressful. I really don't think at 18 I should be this stressed all the time, but I am. I stress about school, my parents, college, heck, I stress about the idea of being stressed. I just want to be able to relax, but the Idea of sitting down to relax makes me stress because I feel like I'm not going to be able to get something done, which in turn makes me more stressed. I really hate stress, so last week I had been stressed a lot, stopped doing a lot of my chores because I just wanted a break and winded up getting myself grounded and again more stressed out. So now I'm grounded, more stressed then ever, and don't get to spend the weekend with my friends, which are the only things that can turn down my stress. Stress is just stressful.

Final Exams...

So next week are final exams, and I am slightly nervous but slightly not at the same time, mostly I got out of my harder exams but I do have to take the two hardest exams. English and IB Math. I really rather not but I guess I don't have a choice. Which is stressing me out not to mention the fact that I have the ACT this Saturday, again I really rather not. I personally think if you have a B or above you should get out of an exam, because C is average and you are doing slightly above that. But they didn't ask me now did they? Oh, well I'm just gonna take the exams and hope that I pass them with flying colors, what ever that phrase actually means.

Paint Buckets

The simplest things give me some sense of being artistic, like inspiration. I desire to be an artist, not just a pencil to paper artist, but I want to create something, make something with my hands. Today the Idea of paint buckets reminded me of a shirt I got in the 10Th grade from my NHAS (National Honers Art Society), on the shirt their is a picture of a sink, and inside the sink is use paint brushes, plates with paint, and other things that go into creating a piece of work, and I realize that the beauty isn't just in the finished project its the beauty in creating it. I love the idea of used paint brushes and paint buckets with paint spilled over the edges as art, not just the art that is created with those buckets and brushes.

Deterioration...

deteriorating the a sand castle after a wave crashes on the beach,
like clocks melting off the wall,
like paint dripping off the canvas,
that's where we are today between deterioration and creation,
creating something new,
losing something old,
taking away from our past,
simply by creating a future,
for ourselves, for others, for anyone,
time melts away,
the color drips off,
and that's where we are,
creation which causes deterioration.

A Bacon Cheeseburger, a Frosty, and a discussion...

So yesterday after church we went to Wendy's and some how the discussion of school came up and how the standards and the efforts of the teachers are going down hill. It's almost to the point that I have completely decided against sending my child to a public school. Teachers keep spoon feeding the students almost to the point where students don't do anything and still pass the classes with flying colors. Which gives student who don't put any effort in the same recognition as the students who spend hours every night on their homework trying to insure they pass their classes with good grades to earn scholarships and go to college.
I even have a class where the teacher spoon feeds my class, even to the point of going over every sing test question, in order, making sure everyone hears the answers. That is unacceptable to me. The class struggled with remembering that Blue and Yellow made Green, come on, we learned that in elementary school. It's getting out of hand. Something has to be done.

Memories...

Today in CAP group all the seniors where asked to write down their favorite High School memory, and I couldn't even think of one. I have so many memories that I would call one of my Favorites. I picked my time in Mrs.Gardener's IB Math Studies Class because we have so much fun in that class.
Though I have a problem with this class, its really hard, we have an insane amount homework, and this extremely tough project/ paper over math. Which was all fine until I found out the class isn't even gonna count as College credit.

Bandit.

My teacher asked me to write a fictional blog about my most prized possession and someone I love, in the story I'm supposed write about the person I love wanting my most prized possession and if I would give it to him. Though I couldn't get past the idea of me giving my most prized possession away to anyone. The most prized possession of mine is my dog. If my house was burning down and I had to save one thing, Bandit would be it. I love my dog so much, I never loved an animal before, and I always thought it was rather silly for people to say how much they loved their cats or dogs, or in some cases birds, or what ever really, I didn't understand it. Though in the last 3 years I've had Bandit I learned. I know he can't talk, and more than likely he really can't really listen to what I'm saying, but I feel like I can talk to him, like he's always on my side no matter what, that's because he can't pick sides, and its silly to think about it this way. Not only is he always on my side when I want to talk about something but he is always willing to protect me, in the middle of the night if he hears a sound that scares him he stands across me and growls and barks like a mother would protect their child.
And just recently I was sitting on my bed with my boyfriend (the someone I love) and we where talking about how next year we would be leaving to college, and Bandit had his big head laying in my lap looking up to me, and for the first time since we had been talking about college I broke down and cried. Who would love my dog for me when I was gone, who would watch after him like I did. How would I sleep through the night with out his big body pushing me off the bed, but then snuggling up against me when he gets cold. Then for the first time I was scared of leaving home. Bandit is like my best friend I've ever hand, he's never been on anyone side but mine. I love Bandit and can't imagen not having him around. Next year is going to be tough with out having his tail wagging as he waits for me to come in after a day at school.

Cinnamon House

Snow falls down on my house,

Cold air is all around,

But the red siding keeps me warm,
Like a big blanket,

The smell of cinnamon,

Fills the house,

Cookies in the oven,

Milk on the counter,

Pulling up my socks I run down the stairs,

And my mothers there,

For the first time in years,

My father in his big blue chair,

smoking from his wooden pipe,

At last I'm home again,

But, then the wind picks up,

Taking the smell of Cinnamon with it,

Stealing from me my Cinnamon House,

Then my mother disappears,

My fathers chair turns grey,

And the color from the red siding washes away,

I close my eyes tightly,

and when I open them,

I'm in my bed again,

My socks have fallen back down my legs,

goodbye My Cinnamon House, Goodbye.

Adventures...

Adventures are only a moment away toady, through the

Kaleidoscopes filled with hundreds of colorful masterpiece, into the

Crashing waves of the ocean swallowing the sandcastles, and just past

Just through a field of a million sunflowers
Practical at the very tip of your fingers, there is a

Forest of a million mysteries, so just

Leap over, and run to the edge of a

Meadow, Dance along the way, sing out loud because

When your age catches up with you, it's going to be

Over, long gone, the end of your adventures.

It's a Boy!

My sister found out last week that she is having a baby boy! I'm so exited waiting on the birth of my very first Nephew! I have so much fun shopping for him already. He is going to be such a spoiled baby. I'm making him a wubbie blanket before he's born. This is going to be pretty important for me since I'm more than likely not going to be there when he's born, or very often since my sister lives in Phoenix and I decided I want to go to college in Kentucky. My parents are planning on moving to Phoenix to help with the baby too. I just hope he's a healthy baby. I'm so excited!

Boom!

So a few days ago I woke up at 5:45 am to go to a parking garage with some of my closest friends to wait for the Big E to Implode. It was quite fun. We listened to music, took silly pictures, and then at around 9:10ish we heard the loud booms and then the building caved in it was awesome. So that was all good in fun but then we went to this little cafe down town and sat around and just got the chance to talk to each other, and catch up. This made me think, how many times in my future will I sit in a small cafe or restaurant and wait on friend, talk about how are lives are going and then leave. I wonder what friends I will be meeting there, new friends, old friends, the friends I have now?

What will I have?

So I woke up this morning in an abnormally good mood, yet a normal deep thinking mood. I started to think about how senior year is nearly half way over, in a little over 5 weeks until Christmas Break. That brought me to thinking about what have I done so far, What memories will I have? So I started to write things down, What did I do so far in August, September, October, and so far November? Am I making the most of what I have left in high school, living at home with my parents, before my friends break off to learn what they want in life and to begin are own journeys to get there. So after writing down a few things, I realized WOW, I really am doing some majorly fun things, and some major steps into adulthood, so I think. I took my first road trip in a car with my 3 Best friends, Kyle, Timmy, and Logan. I turned 18! I've almost finished half my senior year, and so far I'm making pretty good memories with the time I have left, but for the next half I want to be making wonderfully amazing ones.

Waves of Babies!

It's weird how in my family babies come in waves. The current wave is My cousin Jeff is about to have his second son in less than 4 weeks. My Cousin Jenny is at risk for premature labor as I'm writing this with her first child, A little girl, I'm so excited for her. And her sister Sheri is about to have her sixth child. But the most important two pregnancies in my family right now are My little sister Danielle is pregnant, she will be finding out when she is due and the sex of the baby on Wednesday, I can't wait, I will have my cell phone next to me all day waiting for the text. Yesterday I saw the first picture she sent of her stomach! The second most important one is my real dad's girlfriend is pregnant, and in December I will be finding out if its a boy or a girl. Another sibling, and hopefully the last. I'm excited. I can't believe how much my family is growing around me.

On My Own...

Just a song Idea for Kyle, Timmy, Logan, and Michael's band...

December was a month of pain
The deepest snow, frigid rain
My mind was a place
For the world I wanted to erase
But it left me lost and alone
Just waiting for you to say
Every things gonna be alright

So, Could you try, pick me up
Off the floor tonight
And just put me back, together again
I’m nothing more than
A puzzle of a million broken pieces
I’m asking could you help me
Figure out, where they go

I just want to fight this grasp
My mind has on me
So it doesn’t continue to overtake
All the pretty pictures
I’ve spent a life time trying to make
I’ve really tried as hard as I could
I can’t do this on my own

I can’t do this on my own
I just can’t take it anymore
Can’t keep my eyes open
Way to tired to even think
Believe me, it isn’t easy
To let you know, I can’t find my own missing link

A Circle of Friends...

My teacher sits in front of the room, saying things I won't understand until long after I've left this class. Or maybe I will understand what she says today, but the thing is I might not want to understand it. She tells me that I will go through friends and a few years down the road their will be a new group of friends. I don't want to believe this because I have finally found a group of friends who accept me, who make me feel whole, the friends I believe I should be with for the rest of my life. One of them is Logan, he's a great person, his parents defiantly did a wonderful job in raising him. He doesn't ever expect anything more from me than what I give. He is always there for me, and our other friends, even though hes got this way of not being there. It's hard to explain how he is such a great friend, but he is a truly wonderful friend. I really respect him for the way he is, he doesn't use curse words, he doesn't associate himself with things that he doesn't see as respectable. I try really hard to be like him, to respect myself even if it doesn't seem "cool", I just wish I did a better job of it.

Thinking about Life...

So, yesterday I was talking with some of the Ladies we play bingo with and our Bus Driver for the night, about College, and what I wanted to do with my life. I told them I was pretty sure that my calling in life was to be an adoption counselor, that is what I had a passion for. But I never really thought anymore into that until last night. So I think I might have a good idea now, I think I wanna travel for a while visiting the countries that have the most orphaned children, visiting the orphanages and the people there to figure out what country calls to me most, which one I'm meant to help. I really want to do this, so I really hope I can. I also think I might want to travel the untied states helping out at local orphanages just so I can get to know some of the kids.

My Father's Recognition

An avalanche of words rested on the tip of my tongue, eager to spill out just waiting for the slightest of sounds to slip out from his mouth. The constant arguing has nearly driven me insane by this point. Why is everything I do wrong? Has he not realized the mistakes that he himself has made over the years we have spent together. I understand that he is my father and that all things he say should be right, but he's never right, and I am always wrong. So where does this leave us, when we're both wrong. How can I try so hard to impress him with my every action, and every time I still fail to achieve the slightest recognition for it. Though my younger sister can do so many wrongs, and still can be the one he puts on the pedestal. I try not to be filled with such anger toward my sister, it's not really her fault that she is his favorite, but she does try so hard to rub it in my face. I just wish he could see how bad it hurts me to know that I can never do anything to achieve any recognition from him.

Logan and His Element...

So, I was sitting on one end of Kyle's Garage watching the boys play thought their set list, trying to perfect it before the gig. They finally had a microphone set up so you could hear Logan's voice over the sounds of the Guitars. Now, I've heard Logan sing when we're riding together in the car, like on prom night when I rode around town with him. And I've always liked to hear him sing, but when the boys all started to play to Monster by Skillet, and Logan's voice poured through the Speakers, it was like he was a totally different person. He's the kind of guy who's real quite, sits around staring into space, but when he started signing he transformed into this confident performer. How did he instantly change, like he finally arrived into his element.

Here we go...

I can't wait for October 10th. Kyle, Timmy, Logan, Michael(hopefully) and me, along with Kyle's parents are heading to Nashville for the weekend. It's gonna be a blast, hopefully the boys will get their selves together and will be ready to preform their first real gig. If that isn't exciting, I don't know what is. My Best friends and me, at a party until who knows when, listing to music, and getting to spend some time together because, we have to spend as much time together as possible. In 8 months 4 of us graduate, Logan already has, then we all separate, or we might end up at the same colleges but we will grow apart, I already know it will happen, so why not spend as much time together as possible.

18...

I guess I haven't quite got my mind wrapped around the idea of Turing 18 yet, it seems like such a lovely age really, but I haven't quite built up any excitement for it. I feel like everyone around me has always been so excited for reaching this milestone of growing up, but to me the great mountain everyone sees in this birthday, is simply just a pebble in my eyes. I don't quite see the excitement of gaining such great responsibility in life, turning 18 means being an adult, having to put your future in your own hands. I mean I really want to be the person who crafts my future into what I want it to be, but I m not sure if I'm quite ready for such a great task.

A few Things I want to accomplish or start while I enter my adulthood.

1.Go to, and Graduate College with a degree in something I enjoy doing.
(as of right now, Human Services, So I can be an adoption counselor)

2.Volunteer as often as I can.

(more than I do now, and for something more than playing bingo)

3.Plant Trees.

(I want to designate a day in which I plant a tree every year.)

4.Try to complement someone everyday.

(raising someones spirits for just a second can end up going a long way)

5.Keep a Journal.

(because I will never know, what I might forget later down the road.)

Ticking Away...

“How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flown. How did it get so late so soon?”
- Dr.Seuss

Thinking back to when I first picked up a silly little book by Dr.Seuss I had never thought that some of those silly rhymes would have such a great meaning. I read this quote and thought, how are we about to graduate? Where did the time go? I can't believe how fast high school flew by me. How quickly my friends and I have turned from children into adults, or just how quickly we've changed, grown apart and just grown into ourselves. When you think about walking into high school, 4 years seems like far to long, we all wait sitting on the edge of our seat thinking about how to get out and then here we are now settSng in Senior English. It's just went by to quickly. I'm not thinking how quick I want to get out, but how i want to make the last few months we have last, and mean something. But the worse part of all, is that before too long the alarm will go off, and it will be the end.

Dream Job...

The dream of being an adoption counselor seemed far fetched before, like extremely out of my league, and as time gets closer to graduation, to having to go to college, my feelings toward this career path are growing so much stronger. I've never been the one to keep an idea of a career, but this one just feels right, some what like a calling. The idea of helping people get something as beautiful as a child, to not only help them get a child, but to give that child a chance at a better life, just feels me with this unexplainable excitement. I really can't wait to get started on my career path, to be doing something I feel so passionate for.

Hero...

A small baby lays in the lap of a young woman on the bus heading south, she's swaddled up in her favorite pink blanket and in her lap laid a small brown teddy bear with threads coming lose around the left ear. Her mother gently rubbed her fingers along the side of the baby's face and then kissed her on the forehead. Instantly the baby yawned and reached her hand up toward her mother as if asking for another. . . The greyhound pulled into the bus station the same mother carried her daughter off the bus and they walked toward a couple sitting on a bench next to a familiar woman. The couple quickly stood up and smiled at the young woman and reached out for the baby. With hesitation the young woman handed her daughter into the arms of the couple and her eyes filled with tears, and as quickly as the bus had arrived the young woman turned around and stepped back on the bus.

My Favorite definition I have ever cam across for a her was simply "one who shows great courage". I love this definition because it can include so much more than just superheros. The greatest heroes I have ever known of was a mother, that can carry a baby inside of her body feeling it growing and moving and become so attached to there baby, and then be able to conjure up so much courage to give away their own flesh and blood. In my own opinion this is the greatest act of courage any person can ever express, more courage than many of us will ever understand. The mothers who don't settle for abortion because they cannot care for a child the way the want to, or they know they are not ready to become mothers. But those mothers who give their babies to others who can raise them better than they would be able to are the best hero I can think of because they know a great amount about courage. I have never personally meet a mother who has been this brave but through stories I have heard on TV, or from others I have been inspired to become an adoption counselor, so that I will be able to help these mothers, and the adoptive families through the hard times they will face.

A little Purple Piece of Beauty. . .

Her light brown pigtails bounce off her shoulders as she skips down the side walk only a few steps ahead of us, her fingers are wrapped gently around a small purple wild flower she had pulled up out of the freshly watered grass on the beginning of our walk towards the park. We ventured toward the spot that crosses beneath the main street; this is her greatest fear at age three, a small creek with a few trees to shade the area where old men sometimes fish. She managed to make it through the under pass and back into the sunshine. With great excitant she squealed than took off running toward the swings , and before allowing her mother to pick her up and place her into the swing she leaned down dug a small hole in the sand with her little index finger and pushed the stem of the little pruple flower into the sand, then quickly reached up for her mother to put her in the swing and she laughed loudly as the swing flew up into air.

Its amazing how someone so young and so small, can be so graceful about leaving little the tiniest pieces of beauty in places for others to come across. The true beauty of it all is that she did the whole thing with out thinking, she just happened to come across the wild flower in her neighbors freshly watered lawn, and then happened to carry it along with her on the way to the park where she graced that swingset with a small purple piece of beauty.

Quotes for Senior Year. . .

It's better to shoot for the stars and miss, than to aim for the gutter and hit it. - anonymous
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Don't live down to expectation. Go out there and do something remarkable. - Wendy Wasserstein
Put you futute in good hands -- your own. - anonymous
When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you've got plenty to watch - anonymous
Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. - David Foster
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. - James Dean

Just a few quotes I found that I thought where good to read and think about for senior year.