Waves of Babies!

It's weird how in my family babies come in waves. The current wave is My cousin Jeff is about to have his second son in less than 4 weeks. My Cousin Jenny is at risk for premature labor as I'm writing this with her first child, A little girl, I'm so excited for her. And her sister Sheri is about to have her sixth child. But the most important two pregnancies in my family right now are My little sister Danielle is pregnant, she will be finding out when she is due and the sex of the baby on Wednesday, I can't wait, I will have my cell phone next to me all day waiting for the text. Yesterday I saw the first picture she sent of her stomach! The second most important one is my real dad's girlfriend is pregnant, and in December I will be finding out if its a boy or a girl. Another sibling, and hopefully the last. I'm excited. I can't believe how much my family is growing around me.

On My Own...

Just a song Idea for Kyle, Timmy, Logan, and Michael's band...

December was a month of pain
The deepest snow, frigid rain
My mind was a place
For the world I wanted to erase
But it left me lost and alone
Just waiting for you to say
Every things gonna be alright

So, Could you try, pick me up
Off the floor tonight
And just put me back, together again
I’m nothing more than
A puzzle of a million broken pieces
I’m asking could you help me
Figure out, where they go

I just want to fight this grasp
My mind has on me
So it doesn’t continue to overtake
All the pretty pictures
I’ve spent a life time trying to make
I’ve really tried as hard as I could
I can’t do this on my own

I can’t do this on my own
I just can’t take it anymore
Can’t keep my eyes open
Way to tired to even think
Believe me, it isn’t easy
To let you know, I can’t find my own missing link

A Circle of Friends...

My teacher sits in front of the room, saying things I won't understand until long after I've left this class. Or maybe I will understand what she says today, but the thing is I might not want to understand it. She tells me that I will go through friends and a few years down the road their will be a new group of friends. I don't want to believe this because I have finally found a group of friends who accept me, who make me feel whole, the friends I believe I should be with for the rest of my life. One of them is Logan, he's a great person, his parents defiantly did a wonderful job in raising him. He doesn't ever expect anything more from me than what I give. He is always there for me, and our other friends, even though hes got this way of not being there. It's hard to explain how he is such a great friend, but he is a truly wonderful friend. I really respect him for the way he is, he doesn't use curse words, he doesn't associate himself with things that he doesn't see as respectable. I try really hard to be like him, to respect myself even if it doesn't seem "cool", I just wish I did a better job of it.

Thinking about Life...

So, yesterday I was talking with some of the Ladies we play bingo with and our Bus Driver for the night, about College, and what I wanted to do with my life. I told them I was pretty sure that my calling in life was to be an adoption counselor, that is what I had a passion for. But I never really thought anymore into that until last night. So I think I might have a good idea now, I think I wanna travel for a while visiting the countries that have the most orphaned children, visiting the orphanages and the people there to figure out what country calls to me most, which one I'm meant to help. I really want to do this, so I really hope I can. I also think I might want to travel the untied states helping out at local orphanages just so I can get to know some of the kids.

My Father's Recognition

An avalanche of words rested on the tip of my tongue, eager to spill out just waiting for the slightest of sounds to slip out from his mouth. The constant arguing has nearly driven me insane by this point. Why is everything I do wrong? Has he not realized the mistakes that he himself has made over the years we have spent together. I understand that he is my father and that all things he say should be right, but he's never right, and I am always wrong. So where does this leave us, when we're both wrong. How can I try so hard to impress him with my every action, and every time I still fail to achieve the slightest recognition for it. Though my younger sister can do so many wrongs, and still can be the one he puts on the pedestal. I try not to be filled with such anger toward my sister, it's not really her fault that she is his favorite, but she does try so hard to rub it in my face. I just wish he could see how bad it hurts me to know that I can never do anything to achieve any recognition from him.

Logan and His Element...

So, I was sitting on one end of Kyle's Garage watching the boys play thought their set list, trying to perfect it before the gig. They finally had a microphone set up so you could hear Logan's voice over the sounds of the Guitars. Now, I've heard Logan sing when we're riding together in the car, like on prom night when I rode around town with him. And I've always liked to hear him sing, but when the boys all started to play to Monster by Skillet, and Logan's voice poured through the Speakers, it was like he was a totally different person. He's the kind of guy who's real quite, sits around staring into space, but when he started signing he transformed into this confident performer. How did he instantly change, like he finally arrived into his element.

Here we go...

I can't wait for October 10th. Kyle, Timmy, Logan, Michael(hopefully) and me, along with Kyle's parents are heading to Nashville for the weekend. It's gonna be a blast, hopefully the boys will get their selves together and will be ready to preform their first real gig. If that isn't exciting, I don't know what is. My Best friends and me, at a party until who knows when, listing to music, and getting to spend some time together because, we have to spend as much time together as possible. In 8 months 4 of us graduate, Logan already has, then we all separate, or we might end up at the same colleges but we will grow apart, I already know it will happen, so why not spend as much time together as possible.

18...

I guess I haven't quite got my mind wrapped around the idea of Turing 18 yet, it seems like such a lovely age really, but I haven't quite built up any excitement for it. I feel like everyone around me has always been so excited for reaching this milestone of growing up, but to me the great mountain everyone sees in this birthday, is simply just a pebble in my eyes. I don't quite see the excitement of gaining such great responsibility in life, turning 18 means being an adult, having to put your future in your own hands. I mean I really want to be the person who crafts my future into what I want it to be, but I m not sure if I'm quite ready for such a great task.

A few Things I want to accomplish or start while I enter my adulthood.

1.Go to, and Graduate College with a degree in something I enjoy doing.
(as of right now, Human Services, So I can be an adoption counselor)

2.Volunteer as often as I can.

(more than I do now, and for something more than playing bingo)

3.Plant Trees.

(I want to designate a day in which I plant a tree every year.)

4.Try to complement someone everyday.

(raising someones spirits for just a second can end up going a long way)

5.Keep a Journal.

(because I will never know, what I might forget later down the road.)

Ticking Away...

“How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flown. How did it get so late so soon?”
- Dr.Seuss

Thinking back to when I first picked up a silly little book by Dr.Seuss I had never thought that some of those silly rhymes would have such a great meaning. I read this quote and thought, how are we about to graduate? Where did the time go? I can't believe how fast high school flew by me. How quickly my friends and I have turned from children into adults, or just how quickly we've changed, grown apart and just grown into ourselves. When you think about walking into high school, 4 years seems like far to long, we all wait sitting on the edge of our seat thinking about how to get out and then here we are now settSng in Senior English. It's just went by to quickly. I'm not thinking how quick I want to get out, but how i want to make the last few months we have last, and mean something. But the worse part of all, is that before too long the alarm will go off, and it will be the end.

Dream Job...

The dream of being an adoption counselor seemed far fetched before, like extremely out of my league, and as time gets closer to graduation, to having to go to college, my feelings toward this career path are growing so much stronger. I've never been the one to keep an idea of a career, but this one just feels right, some what like a calling. The idea of helping people get something as beautiful as a child, to not only help them get a child, but to give that child a chance at a better life, just feels me with this unexplainable excitement. I really can't wait to get started on my career path, to be doing something I feel so passionate for.